Once again, we step into the bright lights of the holiday season, a time of traditions and toasts. For many, it’s joyous, but some find the season can accentuate sadness. They feel lonely, pressured, or haunted by memories that ache. Sorrow amid celebration isn’t unusual. Most of us have felt it. Sometimes we even know why.
The range of our emotions is nuanced and complex, and they shape how we experience life. Rarely simple, they come in waves and layers, sometimes reflecting what we truly feel, sometimes concealing it.
I understand the power of emotions, and not just as a psychologist. My family’s trauma in Cambodia lingered in our hearts long after we fled across the border. Later, I worked professionally with kids whose behavior reflected feelings they couldn’t name. Those lessons have stayed with me: you can’t heal or regulate what you can’t recognize.
In The Art and Science of Well-Being, I describe emotions as signals of what’s going on inside and around us. They’re not enemies to fight off. They are more like messengers. Once you can name what you’re feeling, you gain clarity and perspective. You can respond thoughtfully. You make better choices.
That’s not always easy. But the alternative—ignoring or burying your emotions—isn’t likely to work. Suppressed feelings can surface in unhealthy ways. Fear erodes confidence. Anxiety steals joy. Anger crowds out compassion. Your physical health can suffer, too. Research has shown that people with greater emotional vitality—who bring energy and enthusiasm to life—are less likely to develop high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.
Like any life skill, emotional wellness takes practice. In the book, I outline the Five R’s: reflect, recognize, reframe, renew, and rejoice. This daily check-in has helped me, as well as many others, decipher what we’re feeling. Reflection slows us down. Recognition helps us see patterns. Reframing turns obstacles into opportunities. Renewal reinforces healthier choices. And rejoicing keeps us grounded in gratitude, even on hard days.
I’ve learned this personally. There were years when I buried my emotions under the weight of work and busyness. It felt easier to keep moving than to stop and feel. But ignoring your inner life doesn’t bring peace; it brings restlessness and disconnection. Balance comes when you pause long enough to listen to yourself.
Another framework I share in the book is the Eight C’s: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness. Each of these qualities contributes to emotional balance. Calmness steadies us during the storms. Curiosity opens us to learning. With clarity, we see things as they are and come back to our true values. Compassion softens our judgments. Confidence and courage help us face what feels overwhelming. Creativity keeps us flexible. And when we feel connected, we gain a sense of belonging – to others, a community, or a spiritual presence.
This season, you may feel gratitude one moment and frustration the next. You may feel love and irritation together. To be emotionally well, you don’t need to choose one feeling over another. Instead, you should notice them all, understand them, and respond wisely.
That’s why the Well Method puts such emphasis on emotional wellness. It influences our health, our decisions, and our ability to heal. In my book, I group emotional wellness with chapters on spiritual and social wellness because our emotions shape how we relate to others, to ourselves, and to something greater than ourselves.
As the year winds down, take some time to hear your heart. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? Can I name it? What might this emotion be trying to reveal to me? For the moment, just listen. Pay attention to your feelings.
Our inner lives shift like the seasons, with some days dazzling and others mostly drizzle. You can discover beauty and growth in all kinds of weather if you know it when you see it. Emotional wellness comes from learning to see it.
Emotional Wellness: Learning The Language Of The Heart
