DEAR HARRIETTE: A few weeks ago, my friend had an extreme anxiety or panic attack that had me really frightened. We had to rush her to urgent care, and for a moment, I thought she was having a stroke.
Related Articles Advice | Harriette Cole: They talk about how my wife dresses, and I don’t like it
Harriette Cole: They talk about how my wife dresses, and I don’t like it Advice | Harriette Cole: My husband lives in the lakehouse so he can avoid my teen daughter
Harriette Cole: My husband lives in the lakehouse so he can avoid my teen daughter Advice | Harriette Cole: It bugs me when they assume I’m privileged
Harriette Cole: It bugs me when they assume I’m privileged Advice | Harriette Cole: How can I get invited to the good parties?
Harriette Cole: How can I get invited to the good parties? Advice | Harriette Cole: My mom takes money from my bank account to give to my siblings We haven’t discussed it since. She seemed really embarrassed by the whole ordeal.
I’m concerned for her well-being, and I’m unsure of how to bring up the subject without embarrassing her further. How do I ensure that she’s seeking help for these issues without being invasive?
Very Concerned
DEAR VERY CONCERNED: There are no easy answers for how you can be there for your friend. My research suggests that you should not press her about the situation, but you can show her that you are there to support her in any way that you can.
It is OK to ask her how she’s feeling. Be sure to listen well. Don’t interrupt her. Let her share whatever is on her heart. Do not try to fix her or her problems.
If you don’t understand what she’s going through, don’t say that you do. Instead, you can be honest and say that you wish you understood, but you love her and want to help even though you cannot imagine what she’s going through.
Unless your friend is exhibiting behavior that makes you concerned for her safety, let her be. If she brings up her treatment, you can talk about it, but you shouldn’t introduce that topic now. Just be there for her, as present as she will allow you to be. For more ideas go to: hopkinsmedicine.org/health/treatment-tests-and-therapies/how-to-help-someone-with-anxiety.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am almost 20, and I do not have a driver’s license or permit yet.
I am from New York City. Most people there can’t get full driving privileges until they’re 18, so I did not see the point in getting a permit. Now that I am in college, all of my friends have cars, and I cannot get around on public transportation like I am used to at home. Going away to school made me realize the importance of being able to drive. It would save me a lot of time and money on ride share services.
I am trying to get my license before I go back to school, but with such a busy summer, I am not sure that it is possible.
When my friends and I were staying in the dorms at school, we did not need cars that often, but now that we will live in apartments relatively far from each other and our classes, I feel like a weak link in not being able to drive when all of my friends have had cars for three or four years.
Do you think that I should rush to get my license or take my time in learning everything so that I avoid future accidents?
Non-Driver
DEAR NON-DRIVER: If driving is important enough to you, you will make it a priority. You are already seeing that your needs change depending on where you live. Some New Yorkers never learn to drive because it isn’t necessary.
If you currently live in a town that requires driving, equip yourself. Interrupt your fun to prepare for your future.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
She won’t talk to me about her scary medical emergency
